Recently I have been thinking about the things I am afraid to do. Or rather, goals that feel too difficult to achieve. I used to be such a risk taker. I would experiment and put my ideas out there confidently. Looking back I think I was young and didn’t care if someone criticized me. Now I often see risks as moves that could create new opportunities or destroy them. Then I came across this quote:
― Jorge Bucay, Déjame que te cuente
Oh, Jorge you are so wise.
This quote speaks to me in so many ways but the analogy of “walking forever” hits
particularly sensitive nerve because I have a slight fear of running. I know. It does not make complete sense to me either. Especially since I have ran an couple outdoor 5Ks before and survived. They were slightly traumatic experiences for me on the inside but I just ran my little heart out and tried not to let the panic show on my face.
When I break it down there really is nothing to fear. I should just move my feet and…just..go. So I guess the movement part is not what I fear but the possible failure part. I know that every runner starts out slow and through practice becomes better. I am just not sure I would ever get much better. I also do not like running which makes me feel awful. I always feel I should like running because so many people I know love to run. They all rant about beating personal records and chasing that “runner’s high.” So I feel bad not loving to run. It makes me feel like I will never truly be in shape or healthy if I don’t learn to run well. A small part of me does want to enjoy running because it is good exercise and (from what I hear) good for emotional health. Don’t get me wrong I do run sometimes at the gym but it is always begrudgingly and I have yet to run farther than 3 miles at a time (with walk breaks).
The logical part of my brain tells me I have identified a clear problem I want to overcome so now I just need to come up with a solution.
Solution: Run? I guess there really isn’t any other way around it. Maybe if I back up and start from the very beginning I can get a better idea of where I am going wrong. So maybe I should run but with a plan. Start slow and make small goals. I am going to start by running 1/2 mile and then when I feel good emotionally and physically move up to 1 mile and so on. The biggest part of my goal is tied to how I feel emotionally when I run. I want to work towards eliminating my anxiety around running.
The journey begins now and hopefully this is just the beginning of reaching one of the many goals I have.
If anyone reading this is a runner I would love your advice/words I can say to myself when the panic hits. 😉
Thanks for being here!
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